Feed the Masses

Celebrity “chef” Tyler Florence has forgotten how to make salad dressing. Or else he suffers from a massive gambling/coke/porn addiction that he subsidizes by endorsing products offensive to his own chosen profession.

Either way, Florence’s new campaign as the face of Wish-Bone has provoked me into creating a multi-part tutorial on salad dressings and marinades. Anyone who reads it will never have to buy a commercial product again.   Read the rest of this entry →

My inbox is constantly overflowing with offers for free samples of some new snack food I would never eat, and review copies of cookbooks I would never read. Even if the food publicists offered big money in addition to freebies, it wouldn’t feel right to recommend cookbooks or plug processed food when doing so runs counter to my entire frugalicious foodie philosophy.

When Rachel Ray first appeared as the public face of Dunkin’ Donuts, I faulted her only for her unfortunate taste in scarves. Hours of Rayesque trial-and-error would almost certainly fail to produce anything resembling such confectionary perfection at home, so it seems wise enough to leave mixing/baking/glazing work to the pros at Dunkin’ Donuts. Maybe endorsing a commercial food chain wasn’t the best move for her own branding, but, really, who doesn’t like doughnuts?

It’s not like she was using her culinary reputation to endorse a product filled with artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives, whose use supplants fresh ingredients in daily cooking.  No, that singular distinction of celebrity chef whoredom belongs to Tyler Florence, and his newfound love of Wish-bone salad dressing.   Read the rest of this entry →

This dish was created to use up slightly shriveled grape tomatoes and a wilting bag of arugula in my fridge. As always, I don’t intend for anyone to go out and buy fresh ingredients in attempt to replicate my own cooking. If your problem is that you overbought bell peppers on sale, adapt this dish to your own freely available resources.  Chopped fresh basil and/or spinach would also be an adequate substitute for arugula.

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Since I bought two watermelons on Safeway’s $3.99 special this week, the one that I didn’t chop up to freeze immediately is starting to go soft on me.  I have a strong aversion to that mushy fibrousness watermelon develops, though most people would consider it fine for eating. But past peak fruit will never go to waste in my household–not so long as the Russians keep producing vodka. Read the rest of this entry →

The food police may issue me a citation for calling these popsicles, since they’re really no more than frozen fruit.  However, frozen watermelon shouldn’t be viewed as an inferior impostor duplicitously branding itself with the historically-popular imprimatur of a popsicle. In my view, frozen watermelon sets the standard to which mere popsicles can only ever aspire. The color and sweetness of these watermelon pops comes only from nature, which also naturally fortifies the treat with fiber, vitamins C and A, and the cancer-fighter lycopene.

And it doesn’t hurt that Safeway had them on sale for $3.99 this week….

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Despite my eternal love affair with mayonnaise, I am not a big fan of the buckets involved in making standard issue potato salad. But for serving large numbers at summer BBQs and picnics, the cost-per-serving ratio of potato salad makes it a logically frugalicious menu item. This one with red onion and dill is a healthy alternative to the typical picnic fare.

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Most carnivores think of tofu as a brick of squishy tasteless goop. Well, it is. But if you marinate and roast it right, they’ll love it. When I made some teriyaki sesame tofu for a recent picnic, my friends had trouble identifying what they were eating. A few tofu haters became converts that day.

Tofu is a good and economical source of protein. When finances are strained, protein too often becomes a luxury item. At $2 a pound, tofu is cheaper than all but the least desirable cuts of meat, though the amount of protein doesn’t translate exactly. Also, an unopened package of tofu has a shelf life of a couple of months. It’s low in calories, high in iron, and has almost no fat. Studies have indicated that it can help lower cholesterol too!  Now about that little issue of making it taste edible…

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A chef at the French Licks Springs Resort Hotel in my home state of Indiana is credited with inventing tomato juice in 1917. After running out of orange juice during breakfast, he transformed tomatoes into an exotic alternative. It’s hard to say which is more unbelievable–that nobody tried juicing a tomato before the great 1917 OJ crisis, or that it took a couple more decades for someone to think about mixing it with vodka.

I have no idea who conceived the brilliant notion of transforming a Bloody Mary into hors d’ouevres, but my friend Emma Daly gets credit for introducing me to the perfect finger food.  Read the rest of this entry →

After a year of focusing on other projects, I’ve been feeling like it is time to start feeding the masses again. Of course, I have literally been feeding the masses (aka my friends), but haven’t had much time to write about it. I promise to do better. Starting now.

This renewed dedication was prompted by the release of my friend Nancy Trejos’s new book Hot (broke) Messes, which I highly recommend, of course. She wrote a bit about me and this website, which I guess officially makes me a hot broke mess. Nancy has been prodding me to resume food blogging before her book sends new readers to my site, so here I am.

Coming soon: How to make Bloody Mary tomato hors d’ouevres, toasted orzo with roasted tomatoes and arugula, and the best (dill) potato salad in the world!

People are generally shocked when I tell them that I make my own cheese.  They become even more so when I reveal how easy it is to do. It’s nearly as easy as homemade yogurt!

Paneer is a basic acid-set, unaged “farmers” cheese common in South Asian cooking. It could be considered a cousin to the queso blanco used in Latin American cuisine.

Since it is essentially no more than milk fats separated from the whey and strained, paneer has a creamy simplicity that makes it perfect for a variety of uses.  Add it in cubes to Indian dishes such as mutter paneer or saag paneer, marinate in olive oil and spices for hors d’oeuvres, or don’t drain the whey thoroughly and mix in herbs and/or spices for a flavored cheese spread.

And did I already mention how easy it is to make? Read the rest of this entry →